Boy turns 9

Where did that time go? One minute I have possession of a little squigglier and the next a nine year old boy fully aware of his own being and destiny it seems.
Much to the gut rendering pain of myself and the girls, one small boy had been planning his birthday extravaganza for one whole year (since his last birthday actually). It has been really painful and difficult can I say, to maintain the level of enthusiasm that the boy required. This does tend to happen frequently in our house. An idea becomes all encompassing and then loses its strength and appeal to the extent that when you finally reach your destination or in this case 'the big day', it's all a bit of a let down - you've just worked yourself up too much for it!



This year it was rather like that. The hype, the annoyance - it really would have been easy to have lost our way and given up on the idea some months back (the girls did), but I 'JUST' about managed to curb the excitement and keep things at a bearable level until a couple of days before the big day.
So this years event took shape from the vast numbers of children that were invited. Almost daily I would hear of a new person that could potentially be arriving. 'All lovely' I hear you say and yes it is but logistically it's a nightmare. You have to ensure that you have enough food for all children and potentially staying parents as well, and you have to have plans, it's pretty ought 'winging it' with so many children. Twenty odd or so children free range in our world could all go terribly wrong! There's also the size of the house to consider should it rain. My house fits us four well but twenty excitable young people and parents.......not even a consideration, outside it was to be - regardless of the weather!
We are fortunate to have a vast area surrounding our house with natures entertainment in abundance. It's totally perfect for children, but with twenty odd......The young man was incredibly influential and creative in his plans for entertainment. Firstly he insisted on a piñata and secondly a chocolate fountain, he also set about creating an obstacle course for his buddies which I thought was a brilliant idea! He sourced heaps of materials from around the place including old tyres and a paddling pool, plus planks to walk along and blocks to jump over - really rather clever! I wasn't so pleased to hear that there were to be leeches in the pool though and friends were expected to walk the plank of doom that crossed it! Hmmm!!




Other than that, pass the parcel was on the agenda - I'm sorry but that game it just rubbish (really thinking of a different word but not wishing to offend!)....what is the point of throwing a parcel around  circle and ensuring it stops on every child? Surely the children must realise the whole thing is  a total fix. Not in my world. Over the years I have become quite rebellious where parties are concerned; a birthday shouldn't be just about the presents and the birthday child does not win everything and there are NO party bags! There, I've said it. For us a birthday party is a time of celebration. Yes of course the birthday child feels special but so do his/her buddies and their parents who are also made to feel part of the action. So the pass the parcel parcel lands randomly, it may land on some children twice or three times and others 'not at all' but that's how life is!
The piñata was a lot of fun. The young man wanted to buy one but somehow the idea was born that we should have a go at making one out of papier mache. I love papier mache! It's been quite some years since i've whipped up my speciality flour and water glue to smother the thing and create a masterpiece. We used an inflated balloon and covered it in layers of the gloop and ripped up newspaper then hung it from the slats in the airing cupboard to dry before adding the next layer. Amazingly the airing cupboard was the perfect place for drying the balloon and it hardened to a remarkably solid mass. Fen's initial plan had been to paint the balloon with a face but we settled on gluing leaves to it and from then on, a camouflage theme was suggested.
The final touch was to dig a fire pit. I was all too keen to minimise work and just use a barbecue as a base for a fire but in full spirit the boy ventured out and dug his own pit and surrounded it with stones to stop it spending and logs for bottoms!


I am thrilled to report a fabulous day was had by all!

Ed note: As always written a while back but only just posted!

Mother in a mother/father role

To all you wonderful father's out there, a very happy father's day! What exactly does that mean to you?.........

I woke up this morning and as part of my 'getting ready' morning ritual. I happened to glance in the mirror upon which I thought, 'I am playing the role of both mother and father to my children'. I know I'm not alone, many of us are struggling along making the best of the situations that we find ourselves in. Parenting is no easy feat to either mother or father but playing both roles is....well, let's be frank, 'not what I signed up to!' Us mother's need help, we need responsible males to act as role models to our future men, it simply isn't good enough to turn your backs on the younger generation and single mother's and expect them to function and do the whole job alone. The same applies in reverse for all the single father's out there.

Tea anyone?

I function on daily basis in the knowledge that my friends and some family members are there to support me.  But I have to confess I do feel let down. In the four and a half years that I have been on this parenting journey alone, not one person has genuinely taken my son under their wing to initiate them into the world of men, yet all too often I am faced with criticism relating to incidences of unruly behaviour. What happened to the old saying and action 'It takes a village to raise a child?' We shouldn't be faced with a world where we feel we are running the show alone.

On days when I'm feeling glum about the whole journey it helps to imagine how proud my late husband would be of me and of our children. He would know that I would rise to the challenge. Unfortunately he would also be rather furious of those who are part of my world whom have no or little involvement. 

Facing the parenting journey as a widow is a completely different experience to that of the single parent who has an ex partner who does at least have contact with the children. Unless you have an amazingly supportive family the widow's journey is incredibly lonely and one of survival. Everyday is challenging in different ways - you learn to accept your lot and deal with it the best you can - what choice do you have?

Fishing.....not a morsel caught

My boy is growing up into a lovely individual. Yes he does have his moments but generally I am hopeful that he will one day become a  decent and caring individual, he'll certainly have a good knowledge and much experience of women; it would be difficult not too when surrounded by three of them! He's always been an independent chap but now I'm seeing the fruits of my labour and his freedom coming to fruition.

This last week the boy has started calling me 'Sweet pea' - I love it! He frequently displays genuinely caring and compassionate behaviour; a sign to me that he is maturing in the right direction.

Despite living in a house full of females, he remains very much a male.
Recently I've admired how my boy has developed and mastered strong survival skills, from his own innate curiosity. I encourage him to help out around the house but more often than not he uses his own initiative and gets stuck into a task. The boy works hard, he's a grafter like his father; I've never witnessed such determination and a thorough hard working ethic in any other man. Just this last week I made the decision to cut down a tree that stood in our gateway which unfortunately had become diseased and died. The boy (with a little help from his sisters) saw and helped with the job from the cutting down right through to the final clear up of all the twigs. Not once did he complain or bore but laboured on alongside me.

The remaining tree stump took on a new role in the garden the following day. The boy arose early sourced all his tools and beavered away all day creating a platform for himself (and his cup I was later informed!).

I'm not just witnessing practical skills, there's also a sense of care for animals. This little fledgling was found rambling on the ground near the boys newly created vegetable garden. He brought it in to show me, having been keen to rescue it and keep it from the reach of our moggie. It makes me smile to witness how he returns to check on such creatures time and time again :-)

Tadpoles are interesting creatures....

The poor boy witnessed one of his guppies die this week. It took three whole days for the poor little fish to make the transition. Fen, although upset initially, almost seemed relieved when it finally passed and gave a great deal of attention to burying it in the garden. I was in the bath when he returned from his duty and he slipped one arm around the door, not wanting me to see his sadness as it had obviously been an emotional moment for him. Later he told me how he had created a grave and covered it so that the cat couldn't dig it up. Upon inspection he had drawn a heart, F and B for 'fish' and 'bubbles' on a piece of slate to mark the spot.
It's tough for me dealing with things outside of my comfort zone on a daily basis but even more daunting for the boy having to live in a female dominated household. He copes amazingly well and remains true to himself and his being. I feel so privileged to witness his journey into manhood unfold, I just wish his father and other significant males were available to witness it and be apart of his life too.

Spot the newt

Best of friends....