Not a ferret please.......

"Mum, I've been watching videos on how to catch rabbits and I could do with a ferret!"

Noooooooooo!!!!! Surely not. Woman feels completely out of her comfort zone. Eeekkk! A ferret......they smell and they bite! No. I cannot, will not....no, no, no, definitely no ferrets!

So this is the latest in a long string of dilemmas that I am having to deal with. It's not easy living with a boy whom constantly challenges my squeamishness, my moral and dietary values. From his final mutterings of the evening to the first comprehensible chit chat of the morning, talk is of dens and hunting. How? Why? Living in a girly, caring and compassionate, vegetarian household, you would imagine that the boy may be somewhat influenced and toe-the-line, but this is not the case - in fact, the situation is quite the reverse. 

This morning, I had hoped that the boy would do a little school work before trundling off into the wilderness that is his world, but no...I stand witness to the army gear being adorned and am asked promptly to venture out into the cold to view the latest den, complete with pizza oven! Hey! I have to say it's pretty good. I'm incredibly impressed with the creativity that I witness. The boy joins me on a morning dog walk but not empty handed. I am to hear and witness the latest bow and arrow creation as it is put through the rigours of testing. The poor dog scuttles from the undergrowth only to have the  string pulled until taught and the arrow aimed at her unsuspecting head. Lucky for the dog that the boy doesn't release the arrow but realises ahead of time that the dog is in fact not the monk jack that he would like her to be. We talk of pheasants and plucking them and roasting them on the fire as well as the potential butchering of said deer WHEN he catches one. It is beyond me. It is tempting to prevent and put a stop to this interest but quashing the spirit of the child would kill his soul; the very light that is his driving force. Instead I continue to reside in an environment that supports and nurtures, where help and advice are at hand, where country pursuits are a way of life - I rejoice and celebrate the boy that I have bore and the man that he will one day become.

Oooh! Here is is again....."Mum, can I have a potato...and some foil?" "Yes of course, I'll get you a little one". "No, a big one!".....Hmmmm! It must be lunch time :-) 

It's all about hunting.....

Jee whizz! Life with my boy is all about hunting and gathering these days. I've been panicking that he's not up to scratch with the three R's but you know, the life skills learnt from those lessons are not going to help in the event of a major disaster. I feel pretty confident that should such an event occur, then I shall certainly stand a chance of remaining safe and well looked after in his care.
There is of course a price to pay living with a creature of such a wild disposition.....life literally revolves around den building, fishing, shooting, catapulting, egg/nest hunting, digging and general outdoor living. It challenges me daily.

Little old me really doesn't share the same interests, although I am pleased that he spends so much of his time exploring nature. I feel somewhat queasy and rather weak at the knees at some of the tasks I am expected to assist with. The first time I took him fishing, I had that sudden realisation that I would have to be the one to deal with the slimy little fish and remove them from the hook....uuurrrrrgggghhhh! I shudder at the thought. Lucky for him he has learnt to deal with such matters himself these days. I guess it was a matter of necessity on his behalf lest he should pursue his interest.

Yesterday I finally gave in to the constant badgering for a cray fishing trip (or crawfish as they are known in the US). Normally I have to rectify and bring back from the ashes our rather battered homemade nets, but this year the boy took it upon himself to repair them, and a great job he did too. So at school collection time we packed two rather battered nets; ready filled with stinky dog food, in the back of the car. Uuurrrggghhh! Dog food really isn't a pleasant aroma at the best of times! The conversation on the way to the school all related to potentially well stocked streams with convenient 'net dropping' access points.....Poor Little lady, after a tiring first day at school she had to endure the stench of the dog food and an overexcited brother during our planned homeward detour.

Popping the nets into the river is a breeze for the boy now, he's done it several times with myself and a friend and so on this occasion I was able to sit in the car and well...... chat to my sister whilst I waited. It wasn't until I found myself sitting in the same spot before 8.30am this morning that it occurred to me that I was actually there as an accomplice in the crime of poaching! Suddenly the thought of the headline news strikes me. Eeeekkk! 'Mother of three brought before magistrates for poaching'......'but I'm a vegetarian and wanna be animal rights activist!'
So you can guess what someones having for supper tonight, luckily he is dealing with everything (cooking and all) by himself and we didn't get caught! :-)

Boy turns 9

Where did that time go? One minute I have possession of a little squigglier and the next a nine year old boy fully aware of his own being and destiny it seems.
Much to the gut rendering pain of myself and the girls, one small boy had been planning his birthday extravaganza for one whole year (since his last birthday actually). It has been really painful and difficult can I say, to maintain the level of enthusiasm that the boy required. This does tend to happen frequently in our house. An idea becomes all encompassing and then loses its strength and appeal to the extent that when you finally reach your destination or in this case 'the big day', it's all a bit of a let down - you've just worked yourself up too much for it!



This year it was rather like that. The hype, the annoyance - it really would have been easy to have lost our way and given up on the idea some months back (the girls did), but I 'JUST' about managed to curb the excitement and keep things at a bearable level until a couple of days before the big day.
So this years event took shape from the vast numbers of children that were invited. Almost daily I would hear of a new person that could potentially be arriving. 'All lovely' I hear you say and yes it is but logistically it's a nightmare. You have to ensure that you have enough food for all children and potentially staying parents as well, and you have to have plans, it's pretty ought 'winging it' with so many children. Twenty odd or so children free range in our world could all go terribly wrong! There's also the size of the house to consider should it rain. My house fits us four well but twenty excitable young people and parents.......not even a consideration, outside it was to be - regardless of the weather!
We are fortunate to have a vast area surrounding our house with natures entertainment in abundance. It's totally perfect for children, but with twenty odd......The young man was incredibly influential and creative in his plans for entertainment. Firstly he insisted on a piñata and secondly a chocolate fountain, he also set about creating an obstacle course for his buddies which I thought was a brilliant idea! He sourced heaps of materials from around the place including old tyres and a paddling pool, plus planks to walk along and blocks to jump over - really rather clever! I wasn't so pleased to hear that there were to be leeches in the pool though and friends were expected to walk the plank of doom that crossed it! Hmmm!!




Other than that, pass the parcel was on the agenda - I'm sorry but that game it just rubbish (really thinking of a different word but not wishing to offend!)....what is the point of throwing a parcel around  circle and ensuring it stops on every child? Surely the children must realise the whole thing is  a total fix. Not in my world. Over the years I have become quite rebellious where parties are concerned; a birthday shouldn't be just about the presents and the birthday child does not win everything and there are NO party bags! There, I've said it. For us a birthday party is a time of celebration. Yes of course the birthday child feels special but so do his/her buddies and their parents who are also made to feel part of the action. So the pass the parcel parcel lands randomly, it may land on some children twice or three times and others 'not at all' but that's how life is!
The piñata was a lot of fun. The young man wanted to buy one but somehow the idea was born that we should have a go at making one out of papier mache. I love papier mache! It's been quite some years since i've whipped up my speciality flour and water glue to smother the thing and create a masterpiece. We used an inflated balloon and covered it in layers of the gloop and ripped up newspaper then hung it from the slats in the airing cupboard to dry before adding the next layer. Amazingly the airing cupboard was the perfect place for drying the balloon and it hardened to a remarkably solid mass. Fen's initial plan had been to paint the balloon with a face but we settled on gluing leaves to it and from then on, a camouflage theme was suggested.
The final touch was to dig a fire pit. I was all too keen to minimise work and just use a barbecue as a base for a fire but in full spirit the boy ventured out and dug his own pit and surrounded it with stones to stop it spending and logs for bottoms!


I am thrilled to report a fabulous day was had by all!

Ed note: As always written a while back but only just posted!

Mother in a mother/father role

To all you wonderful father's out there, a very happy father's day! What exactly does that mean to you?.........

I woke up this morning and as part of my 'getting ready' morning ritual. I happened to glance in the mirror upon which I thought, 'I am playing the role of both mother and father to my children'. I know I'm not alone, many of us are struggling along making the best of the situations that we find ourselves in. Parenting is no easy feat to either mother or father but playing both roles is....well, let's be frank, 'not what I signed up to!' Us mother's need help, we need responsible males to act as role models to our future men, it simply isn't good enough to turn your backs on the younger generation and single mother's and expect them to function and do the whole job alone. The same applies in reverse for all the single father's out there.

Tea anyone?

I function on daily basis in the knowledge that my friends and some family members are there to support me.  But I have to confess I do feel let down. In the four and a half years that I have been on this parenting journey alone, not one person has genuinely taken my son under their wing to initiate them into the world of men, yet all too often I am faced with criticism relating to incidences of unruly behaviour. What happened to the old saying and action 'It takes a village to raise a child?' We shouldn't be faced with a world where we feel we are running the show alone.

On days when I'm feeling glum about the whole journey it helps to imagine how proud my late husband would be of me and of our children. He would know that I would rise to the challenge. Unfortunately he would also be rather furious of those who are part of my world whom have no or little involvement. 

Facing the parenting journey as a widow is a completely different experience to that of the single parent who has an ex partner who does at least have contact with the children. Unless you have an amazingly supportive family the widow's journey is incredibly lonely and one of survival. Everyday is challenging in different ways - you learn to accept your lot and deal with it the best you can - what choice do you have?

Fishing.....not a morsel caught

My boy is growing up into a lovely individual. Yes he does have his moments but generally I am hopeful that he will one day become a  decent and caring individual, he'll certainly have a good knowledge and much experience of women; it would be difficult not too when surrounded by three of them! He's always been an independent chap but now I'm seeing the fruits of my labour and his freedom coming to fruition.

This last week the boy has started calling me 'Sweet pea' - I love it! He frequently displays genuinely caring and compassionate behaviour; a sign to me that he is maturing in the right direction.

Despite living in a house full of females, he remains very much a male.
Recently I've admired how my boy has developed and mastered strong survival skills, from his own innate curiosity. I encourage him to help out around the house but more often than not he uses his own initiative and gets stuck into a task. The boy works hard, he's a grafter like his father; I've never witnessed such determination and a thorough hard working ethic in any other man. Just this last week I made the decision to cut down a tree that stood in our gateway which unfortunately had become diseased and died. The boy (with a little help from his sisters) saw and helped with the job from the cutting down right through to the final clear up of all the twigs. Not once did he complain or bore but laboured on alongside me.

The remaining tree stump took on a new role in the garden the following day. The boy arose early sourced all his tools and beavered away all day creating a platform for himself (and his cup I was later informed!).

I'm not just witnessing practical skills, there's also a sense of care for animals. This little fledgling was found rambling on the ground near the boys newly created vegetable garden. He brought it in to show me, having been keen to rescue it and keep it from the reach of our moggie. It makes me smile to witness how he returns to check on such creatures time and time again :-)

Tadpoles are interesting creatures....

The poor boy witnessed one of his guppies die this week. It took three whole days for the poor little fish to make the transition. Fen, although upset initially, almost seemed relieved when it finally passed and gave a great deal of attention to burying it in the garden. I was in the bath when he returned from his duty and he slipped one arm around the door, not wanting me to see his sadness as it had obviously been an emotional moment for him. Later he told me how he had created a grave and covered it so that the cat couldn't dig it up. Upon inspection he had drawn a heart, F and B for 'fish' and 'bubbles' on a piece of slate to mark the spot.
It's tough for me dealing with things outside of my comfort zone on a daily basis but even more daunting for the boy having to live in a female dominated household. He copes amazingly well and remains true to himself and his being. I feel so privileged to witness his journey into manhood unfold, I just wish his father and other significant males were available to witness it and be apart of his life too.

Spot the newt

Best of friends....

One-on-one time

My young boy is the youngest of three. It seems he feels the need to make a noise in life; he wants to be noticed. So very often I observe that if he isn't getting the attention that he needs, he creates a fuss or does something to make a statement.
Monday, I had the opportunity to give my boy some undivided 'mummy time', I relish such moments and so does he. In a one-on-one situation my boy pulls out all the stops and behaves impeccably, he's a dream child!

He wants to be near me, to experience my love and the cuddles that I enjoy freely giving....

He wants to be helpful....yesterday the first thing that the boy gave his attention to upon rising was 'The troughs....I have to break the ice on the troughs!'

Cutting kindling for the fire without being asked!

The boy wanted to bake...he had a cookie kit that he'd won at a party last year (gosh are those kits dull!), but it gave him the opportunity to do everything himself and claim ownership of the finished goodies which he shares as he sees fit.

I love watching how carefully Fen works. Great attention to detail.

He tried to mend a broken plate that fell from the drainer and crashed on the floor. Initially he stuck the plate together with tape but today he moved on to Super glue - thankfully avoiding sticking his fingers in the process.

My boy experimented with his electronics kit. He loves making circuits and yesterday he was experimenting firstly by dropping his Rara onto the spinning disc to see what would happen and secondly he tried the motor to see what effect it would have on his banana! I had to suggest other means of torturing the banana to avoid burning out the motor!

Today my boy made me literally laugh out loud! We had a family eye test and as we pulled into the parking area my boy announced his plans to trick the optician with his third eye. Hmmmm!!! Upon closer inspection, it was apparent that the child had brought a self adhesive stick on eye with him and positioned it on the bridge of his nose directly between is own eyes. Upon entering the examination room, the boy hopped into the chair to go first and when questioned as to if he had any problems he admitted that he did. He isn't able to see in the dark! I'm not sure what the optician  thought but he didn't seem to share Fen's enthusiasm! We on the other hand, had to bite hard to control our giggles. That's eight year old boys for you!

Man in the making

First impressions and to those who don't truly know my boy, he appears loud and abrupt and  frequently badly behaved. Through careful observation I have concluded that he mostly behaves in this way when he requires attention of sorts; when his needs are not being met.  Having said that he does have a very sweet and sensitive side. He senses when people don't like him, he has a strong sense of justice and is fully aware when he isn't treated fairly. I genuinely believe even at his young age that I could rely on him to protect me and the girls. He's clever and possesses good common sense. He has developed skills of survival through experimentation mainly and through being permitted the space to grow. From a very young age, I have trusted my children and allowed them to take risks. I let them drink from glasses as toddlers, gave them real scissors to cut with and in the case of the boy, I've allowed him to safely make up the fire which he does perfectly and has done for several years (before you panic, if you show them how to do things properly and supervise whilst informing them of the risks, they take note. The experimentation comes when things are prohibited).
Tim and I watched Fen tending our bonfire from a distance when he was just four. He had observed carefully and pushed the ends of the burning wood in perfectly safely.

Today the young man was roaming outside. I am so fortunate to live in the country with regards to having a boy of my type. He has so much freedom. I can happily let him cycle out in several directions for two miles by himself and with friends, it's brilliant! Mostly he doesn't venture that far and if he does choose to, he does inform me first; which I am grateful for. Today he was addressing an environmental problem: Flooding. With the help of the boy next door, my young fellow had managed to dig a connecting drain from the corner of the field into the stream; thereby allowing all the flood water that had collected at the bottom end of the field, to drain into the stream. Drain it did. The boys; it seemed, had literally created a cascading waterfall which free flowed at speed into the rapidly expanding stream.
Fen is very aware when near water and sensible too. He's been fascinated by the flood water. A couple of days ago he decided to sail his new steamboat; which he received for Christmas. I popped out to encourage him and watch the moment of excitement as his boat had the freedom of a vast span of water as opposed to the limitations of the sink and bath which he had previously used. I heard him mention taking two matches to light the burner and wondered how he would cope against the wind. I don't make suggestions straight away about dealing with problems but instead allow him to actively discover for himself. It's so tempting as a parent to do things for the child. However, it is much better to allow them to work things out for themselves they actually learn so much more as a result, it can be frustrating though.
It turned out that two matches weren't enough, the wind was too strong and blew out both, I needn't have worried, Fen instantly drew his little survival tin from his pocket and pulled out another. He waited for a lul in the wind and struck lucky! I do love watching him and the way that he does things. The little boat putt putted perfectly, the smile was worth facing the elements for!

When outside working or with freedom to do as his will desires, Fen is a superstar and behaves brilliantly, he's also incredibly observant and creative with it. I just wish he had more positive male role models to imitate. A friend has suggested a local chap so I'm planning to follow up her lead in the next week or so.
As well as working on dealing with the local flooding, Fen also tried his hand at a spot of fishing. Not necessarily feeling the need to ask for his purpose made fishing pole (or retrieve it himself) he proceeded to make his own fishing rod. A little tap at the door alerted me to his presence and there he was with a jolly fine looking stick with a piece of cotton secured to one end and a leaf positioned 30 cm or so from the free end (that; it was explained, was the float (clever idea)). What he did in fact require at this point was not the pin he had in his survival kit which he informed me had a hole in it (I'm slightly embarrassed he didn't realise it was a needle!) and requested a pin with a silver head which he intended to bend into a hook and have me tie to the loose end of the cotton. Ten minutes later and my boy was fishing in the now bursting stream. I left him doing so for a while before reminding him that we haven't ever seen any fish in there!