One-on-one time

My young boy is the youngest of three. It seems he feels the need to make a noise in life; he wants to be noticed. So very often I observe that if he isn't getting the attention that he needs, he creates a fuss or does something to make a statement.
Monday, I had the opportunity to give my boy some undivided 'mummy time', I relish such moments and so does he. In a one-on-one situation my boy pulls out all the stops and behaves impeccably, he's a dream child!

He wants to be near me, to experience my love and the cuddles that I enjoy freely giving....

He wants to be helpful....yesterday the first thing that the boy gave his attention to upon rising was 'The troughs....I have to break the ice on the troughs!'

Cutting kindling for the fire without being asked!

The boy wanted to bake...he had a cookie kit that he'd won at a party last year (gosh are those kits dull!), but it gave him the opportunity to do everything himself and claim ownership of the finished goodies which he shares as he sees fit.

I love watching how carefully Fen works. Great attention to detail.

He tried to mend a broken plate that fell from the drainer and crashed on the floor. Initially he stuck the plate together with tape but today he moved on to Super glue - thankfully avoiding sticking his fingers in the process.

My boy experimented with his electronics kit. He loves making circuits and yesterday he was experimenting firstly by dropping his Rara onto the spinning disc to see what would happen and secondly he tried the motor to see what effect it would have on his banana! I had to suggest other means of torturing the banana to avoid burning out the motor!

Today my boy made me literally laugh out loud! We had a family eye test and as we pulled into the parking area my boy announced his plans to trick the optician with his third eye. Hmmmm!!! Upon closer inspection, it was apparent that the child had brought a self adhesive stick on eye with him and positioned it on the bridge of his nose directly between is own eyes. Upon entering the examination room, the boy hopped into the chair to go first and when questioned as to if he had any problems he admitted that he did. He isn't able to see in the dark! I'm not sure what the optician  thought but he didn't seem to share Fen's enthusiasm! We on the other hand, had to bite hard to control our giggles. That's eight year old boys for you!

Man in the making

First impressions and to those who don't truly know my boy, he appears loud and abrupt and  frequently badly behaved. Through careful observation I have concluded that he mostly behaves in this way when he requires attention of sorts; when his needs are not being met.  Having said that he does have a very sweet and sensitive side. He senses when people don't like him, he has a strong sense of justice and is fully aware when he isn't treated fairly. I genuinely believe even at his young age that I could rely on him to protect me and the girls. He's clever and possesses good common sense. He has developed skills of survival through experimentation mainly and through being permitted the space to grow. From a very young age, I have trusted my children and allowed them to take risks. I let them drink from glasses as toddlers, gave them real scissors to cut with and in the case of the boy, I've allowed him to safely make up the fire which he does perfectly and has done for several years (before you panic, if you show them how to do things properly and supervise whilst informing them of the risks, they take note. The experimentation comes when things are prohibited).
Tim and I watched Fen tending our bonfire from a distance when he was just four. He had observed carefully and pushed the ends of the burning wood in perfectly safely.

Today the young man was roaming outside. I am so fortunate to live in the country with regards to having a boy of my type. He has so much freedom. I can happily let him cycle out in several directions for two miles by himself and with friends, it's brilliant! Mostly he doesn't venture that far and if he does choose to, he does inform me first; which I am grateful for. Today he was addressing an environmental problem: Flooding. With the help of the boy next door, my young fellow had managed to dig a connecting drain from the corner of the field into the stream; thereby allowing all the flood water that had collected at the bottom end of the field, to drain into the stream. Drain it did. The boys; it seemed, had literally created a cascading waterfall which free flowed at speed into the rapidly expanding stream.
Fen is very aware when near water and sensible too. He's been fascinated by the flood water. A couple of days ago he decided to sail his new steamboat; which he received for Christmas. I popped out to encourage him and watch the moment of excitement as his boat had the freedom of a vast span of water as opposed to the limitations of the sink and bath which he had previously used. I heard him mention taking two matches to light the burner and wondered how he would cope against the wind. I don't make suggestions straight away about dealing with problems but instead allow him to actively discover for himself. It's so tempting as a parent to do things for the child. However, it is much better to allow them to work things out for themselves they actually learn so much more as a result, it can be frustrating though.
It turned out that two matches weren't enough, the wind was too strong and blew out both, I needn't have worried, Fen instantly drew his little survival tin from his pocket and pulled out another. He waited for a lul in the wind and struck lucky! I do love watching him and the way that he does things. The little boat putt putted perfectly, the smile was worth facing the elements for!

When outside working or with freedom to do as his will desires, Fen is a superstar and behaves brilliantly, he's also incredibly observant and creative with it. I just wish he had more positive male role models to imitate. A friend has suggested a local chap so I'm planning to follow up her lead in the next week or so.
As well as working on dealing with the local flooding, Fen also tried his hand at a spot of fishing. Not necessarily feeling the need to ask for his purpose made fishing pole (or retrieve it himself) he proceeded to make his own fishing rod. A little tap at the door alerted me to his presence and there he was with a jolly fine looking stick with a piece of cotton secured to one end and a leaf positioned 30 cm or so from the free end (that; it was explained, was the float (clever idea)). What he did in fact require at this point was not the pin he had in his survival kit which he informed me had a hole in it (I'm slightly embarrassed he didn't realise it was a needle!) and requested a pin with a silver head which he intended to bend into a hook and have me tie to the loose end of the cotton. Ten minutes later and my boy was fishing in the now bursting stream. I left him doing so for a while before reminding him that we haven't ever seen any fish in there!

Leaving home

My boy decided he was leaving home today......

Quite out of the blue whilst travelling home from Miss P's class, the young man decided quite convincingly that today was the day!
Miss P wasn't on top form today and as a result I suggested that she take it easy for the afternoon; perhaps pop off to bed for a while to rest and recuperate. This was not music to Fen's ears.

'You don't suggest I go to bed when I'm ill'.

Me: 'Well you aren't ill often and when you are I do actually allow you to lie on the sofa or stay in bed'.

So it was decided. The moment we entered the house Fen began packing his rucksack. Oranges, a bag of food for the dog, a sleeping mat......

I questioned whether he would be back for tea? 'No' was the response!

Five minutes later adorned in cameo gear, he headed out (with the dog) without even saying goodbye!

He's the tiny dot in the distance.......

Hmmmm!

So that's it then!

It wasn't long before I was saying to myself 'What if he really doesn't come home?'
Images of conversations with the police sprang to mind...how do I explain that I just let him go and didn't even try to stop him?

I remember falling out with my own mother. I would spend hours (or so it seemed) packing up my worldly possessions into my doll's pram and heading off into the drive. Of course, I would hide behind a neighbours car and wait and hope that mum would miss me. She didn't usually come out and after a while I would give up and head back inside and unpack the whole damn thing. There would be cuddles too of course.

Five or so minutes later there was a shallow little knock on the door. My boy was home! He threw down his rucksack, shouted 'You don't care about me' and stormed upstairs!
I gently called up to see if he would like me to bring him a cheese toasty and some hot chocolate. He did.

All was resolved after that point. I made a special effort to reassure him that I do love him and he's very special and I sat with him for an hour or so crocheting and chatting whilst he ate lunch and coloured a picture.

Note to self:- Little boys (and girls) do need reminding that you love them and some sympathetic TLC also doesn't go amiss! :-)

Dengineers

One terribly excited young boy exploded into my room this morning full of 'early bird spirit'. "You'll never guess what I've just watched?"....from bleary eyes I ask him to open my second curtain to inform the neighbours that I'm not really still in bed at 9am on a Saturday morning! "Hmmmm?" I try to gather my thoughts as brain slowly engages in action....."Tiny pops?".........."Errr, Noooo! I've just watched Dengineers! It was amazing mum! These guys just created this underground den and it was big and covered with grass! It was a bunker mum!"

Good morning me! What kind of day will today bring?

 He peers out of the window...."Is Archie at school today?" "No". "No!......is it Saturday?"....."Yeah!"...."Yeeeeaaaaah! Girls (he runs off yelling down the corridor) girls, it's Saturday! No work today!"

Big sign....arrrr! Please no, I cannot begin to think about building a den today, not an outside one anyway it's freezing!

"Mum, I wonder if the Dengineers would come to our house and build me a den? Steve Bachel was there too, he's cool!" (Hmmm, yes, I recall he is!)

My mind wonders what sort of den he would assign the team if they did come? He's terribly bossy these days and has very clear set ideas about how things must be.
This boy has always been a den builder. Right from those very early days having to replace the sofa cushions, the chairs and all the blankets has been a regular thing, sometimes several times a day. Recently, I had a client call round and having just tidied the house I beaconed them into my sitting room to show me their garment that needed altering and .......well, you couldn't get more than a foot from the door! The entire floor space had been consumed!

I remember once hearing a Radio 4 programme on the subject. They stressed the need and importance of the activity. I just didn't imagine it would last for so long. The presenter expressed the process as a vitally important act that could be likened to a caterpillar emerging from a cocoon. Hmmmm!

For the past two days F has been busily sawing short pieces of wood in the sitting room (my kindling actually!). When I asked what he was doing he suggested he had decided to make a bird box to sit on the tree stump we have remaining after a partially dead tree was removed. 'What a great idea', I thought! Yesterday a change of plan was announced and said short planks are to now be used to create steps up the trunk to a newly created platform. A platform that is to become a treehouse when time permits! The tree is very small.......

Please do not assume that I have in anyway tried to hamper plans for a den of mass proportion. During the Summer months I did indeed engage in a building project in the famous 'field behind our house'. I made a rugged tipi type structure and covered it will an old green gazebo cover. It was admired for a short while and even played with, just a little, but now the focus has moved on and a new den needs to be constructed in a different location.

The joys of being a woman raising a boy!

Watch this space.....

Bear Grylls....check this out!

Monday morning...the usual early rising and mad rush to make the trip to drop one darling daughter off at her Physics class almost an hours drive away. As usual, one small boy dressed in red and white stripy 'Where's Wally? PJ's' is still in bed until five minutes before leaving time!

Plans change upon arrival at the class and we end up with the morning free until 3pm (just F and I as Dd2 is having a sleepover with a friend). After very little persuading I am talked into taking F to our home ed Forest School session in  small piece of private woodland near to home. I am informed by F that he packed his bag Sunday night in anticipation and would need to gather a few more belongings together before we could make the journey. We also needed to buy some bread (sustenance is extremely important and a major part of the FS experience!). I set the boy down with a £10 note outside the local coop and put in my order for freshly baked loaf, he enthusiastically ran off into the shop whilst I turned the car around. Less than a 'Lambs tail shake' later and he returned grinning with two sliced loaves ( one white one brown) and announced rather proudly that he had only spent £2 and had 'lots of change!' (Besides the point.....).

To cut out the boring bit about my insisting that on line maths is completed and jobs are done etc before we make the journey......all is packed (my lunch too I am told) and we're off :-)

As I gravitate naturally towards the social gathering around the raised camp fire, F takes himself off to another area of the woodland and begins his personal adventure.

The pictures say it all.......

Erecting a shelter....

Building the fire....

Cooking.....

Nom nom...cheese toasty!

Whittling sticks

Everything needed had been packed in the numerous bags that lined the boot of the car....the lighter, the lunch, cooking oil, the pan, mugs and cutlery, tea bags (green tea for me; he's learned how to keep his mum happy:-)), fluffy stuff from wild plants to start the fire, plus....two tarps for building the shelter, a sleeping bag, blanket and a pillow!

*Please note.....Yes adult supervision was available; sort of (although not needed)!

The situation......

The situation is this.......the third child born into our family was a small boy. A boy following two girls......The journey has been different, he has added an element of danger, excitement and the  unpredictable into our lives.
In 2011 I was unexpectedly widowed and so the journey in which 'Woman raises boy' began. It's been a journey where we (the girlies and I) have had to adapt to the needs of the boy and during the process we have faced many challenges, not all ones that we may have chosen!

Welcome and enjoy our journey!

Meet Fenton. Our loveable cherub.......not an ounce of trouble to be seen!