I woke up this morning and as part of my 'getting ready' morning ritual. I happened to glance in the mirror upon which I thought, 'I am playing the role of both mother and father to my children'. I know I'm not alone, many of us are struggling along making the best of the situations that we find ourselves in. Parenting is no easy feat to either mother or father but playing both roles is....well, let's be frank, 'not what I signed up to!' Us mother's need help, we need responsible males to act as role models to our future men, it simply isn't good enough to turn your backs on the younger generation and single mother's and expect them to function and do the whole job alone. The same applies in reverse for all the single father's out there.
Tea anyone?
I function on daily basis in the knowledge that my friends and some family members are there to support me. But I have to confess I do feel let down. In the four and a half years that I have been on this parenting journey alone, not one person has genuinely taken my son under their wing to initiate them into the world of men, yet all too often I am faced with criticism relating to incidences of unruly behaviour. What happened to the old saying and action 'It takes a village to raise a child?' We shouldn't be faced with a world where we feel we are running the show alone.
On days when I'm feeling glum about the whole journey it helps to imagine how proud my late husband would be of me and of our children. He would know that I would rise to the challenge. Unfortunately he would also be rather furious of those who are part of my world whom have no or little involvement.
Facing the parenting journey as a widow is a completely different experience to that of the single parent who has an ex partner who does at least have contact with the children. Unless you have an amazingly supportive family the widow's journey is incredibly lonely and one of survival. Everyday is challenging in different ways - you learn to accept your lot and deal with it the best you can - what choice do you have?
Fishing.....not a morsel caught
My boy is growing up into a lovely individual. Yes he does have his moments but generally I am hopeful that he will one day become a decent and caring individual, he'll certainly have a good knowledge and much experience of women; it would be difficult not too when surrounded by three of them! He's always been an independent chap but now I'm seeing the fruits of my labour and his freedom coming to fruition.
This last week the boy has started calling me 'Sweet pea' - I love it! He frequently displays genuinely caring and compassionate behaviour; a sign to me that he is maturing in the right direction.
Despite living in a house full of females, he remains very much a male.
Recently I've admired how my boy has developed and mastered strong survival skills, from his own innate curiosity. I encourage him to help out around the house but more often than not he uses his own initiative and gets stuck into a task. The boy works hard, he's a grafter like his father; I've never witnessed such determination and a thorough hard working ethic in any other man. Just this last week I made the decision to cut down a tree that stood in our gateway which unfortunately had become diseased and died. The boy (with a little help from his sisters) saw and helped with the job from the cutting down right through to the final clear up of all the twigs. Not once did he complain or bore but laboured on alongside me.
The remaining tree stump took on a new role in the garden the following day. The boy arose early sourced all his tools and beavered away all day creating a platform for himself (and his cup I was later informed!).
I'm not just witnessing practical skills, there's also a sense of care for animals. This little fledgling was found rambling on the ground near the boys newly created vegetable garden. He brought it in to show me, having been keen to rescue it and keep it from the reach of our moggie. It makes me smile to witness how he returns to check on such creatures time and time again :-)
The poor boy witnessed one of his guppies die this week. It took three whole days for the poor little fish to make the transition. Fen, although upset initially, almost seemed relieved when it finally passed and gave a great deal of attention to burying it in the garden. I was in the bath when he returned from his duty and he slipped one arm around the door, not wanting me to see his sadness as it had obviously been an emotional moment for him. Later he told me how he had created a grave and covered it so that the cat couldn't dig it up. Upon inspection he had drawn a heart, F and B for 'fish' and 'bubbles' on a piece of slate to mark the spot.
It's tough for me dealing with things outside of my comfort zone on a daily basis but even more daunting for the boy having to live in a female dominated household. He copes amazingly well and remains true to himself and his being. I feel so privileged to witness his journey into manhood unfold, I just wish his father and other significant males were available to witness it and be apart of his life too.
Recently I've admired how my boy has developed and mastered strong survival skills, from his own innate curiosity. I encourage him to help out around the house but more often than not he uses his own initiative and gets stuck into a task. The boy works hard, he's a grafter like his father; I've never witnessed such determination and a thorough hard working ethic in any other man. Just this last week I made the decision to cut down a tree that stood in our gateway which unfortunately had become diseased and died. The boy (with a little help from his sisters) saw and helped with the job from the cutting down right through to the final clear up of all the twigs. Not once did he complain or bore but laboured on alongside me.
The remaining tree stump took on a new role in the garden the following day. The boy arose early sourced all his tools and beavered away all day creating a platform for himself (and his cup I was later informed!).
I'm not just witnessing practical skills, there's also a sense of care for animals. This little fledgling was found rambling on the ground near the boys newly created vegetable garden. He brought it in to show me, having been keen to rescue it and keep it from the reach of our moggie. It makes me smile to witness how he returns to check on such creatures time and time again :-)
Tadpoles are interesting creatures....
The poor boy witnessed one of his guppies die this week. It took three whole days for the poor little fish to make the transition. Fen, although upset initially, almost seemed relieved when it finally passed and gave a great deal of attention to burying it in the garden. I was in the bath when he returned from his duty and he slipped one arm around the door, not wanting me to see his sadness as it had obviously been an emotional moment for him. Later he told me how he had created a grave and covered it so that the cat couldn't dig it up. Upon inspection he had drawn a heart, F and B for 'fish' and 'bubbles' on a piece of slate to mark the spot.
It's tough for me dealing with things outside of my comfort zone on a daily basis but even more daunting for the boy having to live in a female dominated household. He copes amazingly well and remains true to himself and his being. I feel so privileged to witness his journey into manhood unfold, I just wish his father and other significant males were available to witness it and be apart of his life too.
Spot the newt
Best of friends....
